Amot! More from Zarchka
Having now set up her own blog, Zarchka continues to tackle some of the most annoying traits and features of Armenian society. While the international community says that the country is drawing closer to Europe, on the ground at least, the local mentality continues to be as superficial and retarded as ever. Or perhaps, maybe it isn’t now that some young Armenians are starting to question a society that cares more about image rather than substance.
Dear Armenian girls, if you want to avoid another shameful thing, never come home late at night and when especially someone gives you a ride, ask him to drop you off a little bit far from your house, so that your neighbors assume that you’ve returned alone, otherwise the other day everyone in your neighborhood, especially old women, will gossip and suppose that you are out running around and will persuade you repeating: “Inch amota!- What a shame!.. ts..ts..ts (this is usually followed by head movement to the right and left)”. Yes, don’t get surprised, this is a tendency that runs through our society for generations.
[…]
Here you can be a witness of such a performance, when the spouses have already nothing in common, have fallen out and are spoiling for a fight with each other, they get boisterous and nervous at the sight of each other and abhor one another, but yet they don’t want to get divorced. The matter is not that the children would suffer ( although they suffer in both cases) or that they make an attempt to save the ramshackle relations, to rectify the situation, but that the relatives would say: “Don’t do it..amota..What will the others say?”. And they prefer remaining in that false marriage, carrying the burden of their lives and later on passing it to their children, but not making the relatives keep trap shut and mind their own business.
This is a mentality which deserves to be said: “Amota”.
As Zarchka started off blogging on this site and I always hoped that she’d set up her own blog, perhaps I should now wonder what’s been unleashed upon an unsuspecting [Armenian] world. There’s no doubt that Zarchka’s saying out loud what many Armenians would like to, but lack the courage to do so or consider that it’s all best kept as whispers. Zarchka, you’re a natural “revolutionary,” and as I’ve jokingly said to you before, a “trouble-maker.”
To be honest, though, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Read her full post here.
Have you tried to experiment above-mentioned principles on your daughter? Let her go out and not return to home, say for few days, have her have fun with nice men in your city, try everything on her own to get her experienced, so in her 40-is she will have good knowledge of who is a good man and ho is a “palas”. So-what if someone may call her “boz”; “boz-@” mamat-a, worked for last 50 years and will work another 50 years safely.
Comment by Sam — February 16, 2006 @ 11:48 pm
Firstly, nobody is talking about people disappearing for days. Instead, I know of many young women in Yerevan who are over the age of 25 but still have a curfew of midnight imposed upon them. They can’t earn enough to rent their own apartments if they wanted to, but anyway, that’s not the point. The issue is that Armenians love to spread gossip even if it’s not true, and anyway, if you want to avoid that gossip, you just make sure nobody sees you and play within the “rules of the game.”
Incidently, I don’t have a daughter and the post wasn’t just about that.
Comment by Onnik — February 17, 2006 @ 12:07 am
BTW: On re-reading your comment, you do seem to prove a point about the hypocrisy here. Armenia is a patriarchal society for sure, but it’s astounding that if a girl is out past 12 she is considered to be a whore.
On the other hand, a girl might have a boyfriend, but big deal. Armenian guys can screw around and demand that their wives be virgins on their wedding night, but some are and some aren’t. Yet even so, a midnight curfew doesn’t mean anything because any “action” simply takes place before then.
Incredible and almost laughable situation in Armenia, especially as you kind of fit into Zarchka’s unfortunately all too true stereotype of Armenians gossiping. If a girl isn’t home by 12 she’s damned regardless of the reason for her “late arrival.” Are we stuck somewhere in a puritanical world of make believe?
Comment by Onnik — February 17, 2006 @ 3:03 am
There are good news and bed news. The bed news is that before you get to the point where you learn most of “great” nations experience on “this kind of issues” and come to the same conclusion as my grandpa was you’ll be a grandpa or grandma too and no one will listen to you; or at least your experience will die with you. The good news is that everyone want to learn on their own mistakes that are called “freedom” of choice and with “free” market this one is especially attracts to young men and girls who’s biological and intellectual level does not except any heritage on that age. That’s why we love this “b@rnazbosik” lifestyle. The good news is that this entire “armenian thing” has a name; it is called sexual education, and like any other education it is delivered by it’s heritage of culture. Do we have one? Yes we do.
Do not destruct anything you are responsible for holding today. Try to improve it. Any revolution is distraction. Think about this.
Comment by Sam — February 17, 2006 @ 5:13 am
“So-what if someone may call her “boz”; “boz-@” mamat-a…”
Sam, let me see if I got this right. So the problem basically is that she will be called all that? Because that is exactly what Zarchka is saying (Thumbs up Zarchka!).
Not only it is none of your business what your neighboor’s daughter does but you do not have any right to condemn her actions unless of course they interfere with your freedom, which is not the case here.
What makes you, Sam, think you know what is good and what is bad? You can have your opinion, which is just as good as mine.
And yes I stongly beleive you are not in a position to limit your grown-up daughter’s actions no matter how much you care about her. Unfortunately this is something parents have hard time grasping.
Comment by Nessuna — February 17, 2006 @ 12:11 pm
“Do not destruct anything you are responsible for holding today. Try to improve it.”
Marvelous, let’s embark on improving stereotypes, prejudice and discrimination
Comment by Nessuna — February 17, 2006 @ 1:37 pm
“Let her go out and not return to home, say for few days, have her have fun with nice men in your city […]”. Huh?? Sam, who says this is going to happen when a girl goes out? Give the women some credit! Or are you just saying that what Armenian women do when they go out is the exactly the same as what Armenian men do when they go out?
Incidentally I just finished an article about life in Armenia that touches (albeit in more polite and less direct wording
) on exactly this topic - the difference in behaviour expected from Armenian men and women.
Go Zarchka! Keep tackling those issues on your blog!
Comment by Myrthe — February 17, 2006 @ 6:11 pm
Any revolution is distraction….are you sure?
I think even you don’t believe in what you say. Revolution is not a business of only one person, it’s done united, and if the number of followers is immense, it must be done. It usually implies progress.
Sam, what concerns your first comment, It’s not always the case when you must make a mistakes then realize it. If some other people have already made suchlike mistakes, they do a favor for you, and you can take their experience for granted. If you are so much afraid of your daughter’s self determination in the future, be such a good father to explain what life is from her little ages. Give her such an upbringing that if later she is up late at night, you will be sure she won’t make any bad things, no one can cheat her and no one will ever dare calling her “boz”.
I don’t want to live in chains always restricting me from what I really want to do, because someone is going to misunderstand my actions.. I know for sure that my wishes are moral, decent, true, innocent and let no one say what I must do, and what I mustn’t. I never meant distracting those stereotypes spreading immorality.
Gossiping has also another side. Many awful things may occupy people’s minds when they have nothing to do and just sit idly by, which is usually the case in many Armenian families. This is also proved in French Enlightener Walter’s work “Candida”, where he concludes: “Unemployment breeds evil”…Hmmm…So gossiping is also a political issue?!
I’m more than sure that you have been persuaded by gossiping and you would also like changing it.
That stereotypes MUST be destroyed ( but not giving way to others resembling).
Comment by Zarchka — February 18, 2006 @ 3:19 pm
You live in “hamaink” and if “hamaink-@ chi @-ntunum” you cannot do anything. You will be out of “hamaink”.
Don’t you think that when your grand-grandpa was marrying to his neighbor’s girl, who eventually became your grand-grandma, was right thing because your grand-grandpa’s father knew that his neighbor’s roots do not have any “gizh” or “khelar” in addition they grow together and they respect both each other, they new each other well. Now lets come to these days; from reality. I use to live in lots of different places; in Russia, in USA, in middle Asia, in Europe. And I had lots of friend everywhere (and still have them all). I saw some guys and girls marrying by meeting their partners in some bars, restaurants, etc. Good sex, “hi” performance in sh-@-rjapat and the couple was ready for the next reception. In one word the attraction was based mostly on sexual or some other physical components of partners (you want to include “hogegan”, do it). Most of them got divorced because most of them did not get any respect from both side of relatives including some of their friend too. “Et bozin mer toon ch-@beres”. We all know this kind of stuff. “Hamaink-@ ch-@-ntunetz”.
Anyway your point of contents is out of the real environment.
If you think that this is very “armenian” you will be wrong if you will be close to very American and very French tuff families.
Comment by Sam — February 21, 2006 @ 12:46 am
Sam, I think the point is let people lead their lives. Let them do what they want and let their families also do what they want without distant relatives and neighbors, who should be concerning themselves with their own dirty laundry, sticking their noses in.
This isn’t actually about sex or marriage, it’s about gossiping and a lack of concern in all walks of life in Armenia, but as it seems to always come back to that, you should realize that while you might decry sexual freedom in Armenia it is happening and as marriage is not based on love or respect, it is based on pressure to reproduce.
Meanwhile, as everyone knows, having lovers is the norm for married men in Armenia and while a girl who comes home after 12pm might be scorned, any male is not. In fact, it is expected of him. For some girls, of course, what happens therefore occurs before the midnight curfew and away from prying eyes.
That’s the situation in Yerevan. The regions, of course, are a little different. There, women abandoned by their “respectful” husbands end up as prostitutes in the UAE or Turkey.
Comment by Onnik — February 21, 2006 @ 1:00 am
“Don’t you think that when your grand-grandpa was marrying to his neighbor’s girl, who eventually became your grand-grandma, was right thing …. ”
People’s will to marry is the only thing that qualifies it as “right” .
There are no other criteria.
“Most of them got divorced because most of them did not get any respect from both side of relatives including some of their friend too.”
If you can give up your love to likes/dislikes of other people, then you did not worth it in the first place. My personal humble opinion.
Comment by Nessuna — February 21, 2006 @ 6:24 pm