The Part Must Conform To The Whole
By Nessuna
The family is the natural and fundamental cell of society
Article 32, Constitution of Republic of Armenia
But wait… where is the individual?
It almost seems like an individual’s life per se does not hold value in Armenia unless he or she is a part of a family. Surely, family values have always played an important role in Armenian society, and while it is not neccessarily bad, there is something wrong about relatives drinking to your future marriage on every single occasion when you do not even want one.
Yet, it goes without saying.
And while I have no doubts about their good intentions we all know where the latter leads. Talk about pressure. Being in my “late” twenties I’m considered to have at best another year or two. After that, I am to fill the lines of old hopeless women who do not stand a chance of getting married, therefore proving themselves a valid member of society.
Family is sacred.
But just think about the sacrifices a woman makes to the greedy family beast. She quits her work for the family. She tolerates an unhappy marriage for the family. She tolerates domestic violence for the family.
Because without a family you are nobody.
Because family is the cell, and the individual is only part of it.
Because any part must conform to the whole.
Hey there!
Cheer up for crying out loud! Get married when you find the right guy, and don’t let anyone pressure you. If you’re worried about being encouraged to marry an “apero” or whomever–which I know is usually the case here–tell them he’s not your type and never will be. I think there are guys in Armenia who are open minded and are not caught up in the typical family thing in terms of the woman sitting at home, etc.–especially the preconditions for a woman to be married or whatever (we don’t need to get into that here).
Quite simply, don’t give up on marriage. When I was your age or a little older I also gave up. I thought I would be alone forever. Just 14 months ago I found the woman of my dreams in Vanadzor of all places in the world–an intelligent, independent woman, albeit a lot of fun, who wants a higher education and a career of her own, i.e, she is her own woman first. We were married last September and are having a great time together. She is also your age, so forget about the stigmas.
Continue to be your own person, and keep looking for that someone who respects who you are as well as what you want. That person is out there, believe me.
Christian
Comment by Christian Garbis — February 20, 2006 @ 11:59 am
Firstly, fantastic first post Nessuna. A real and pleasant surprise. Secondly, the way you linked it in with provisions in the constitution was very poignant. However, is this the old constitution or the new one. I tried to look for the english translation of the new constitution, but it would appear that nobody has one.
The constitutional court’s english page is still under construction:
http://www.concourt.am/CONST/under-construction.htm
And the president’s site which dates the constitution as 27 November 2005 seems to have the old one listed. I say this because it doesn’t look as though the restriction on dual citizenship has been lifted.
Anyway, I think this is an interesting point about having this notion of family rather than the individual listed in the constitution and I’m amazed that the CE didn’t point that out to the government.
And this is the matter, I think, and my response to Garo’s comment to you. Yes, some people can find the right marriage and live their lives how they want, others can live the “traditional” married life if they want, but everyone should have the right to decide without having pressure put on them.
This happens everywhere, of course, but in Armenia is also tied into a number of things. Like you say, if a woman reached 28 and is not married, society treats her as “past it” which is not how they view unmarried men of the same age.
There are also associated issues such as the way society and men look at those women, especially with regards to virginity.
This might not be written out as such in the constitution, but the patriarchal nature of society and a constitutional emphasis makes such attitudes more likely as well as taking away the importance of the individual regardless of gender.
Excellent post. Hopefully not your last.
Comment by Onnik — February 20, 2006 @ 12:25 pm
It’s also interesting to consider that this article on the family would also affect homosexuals and lesbians in Armenia. On that, I’ve just discovered this reference in an article on the recent amendements by Armenia Now.
Well, what can we expect when the constitution was not discussed by society and the government falsified the results? Even so, amazing that the Council of Europe didn’t pick up on this. Does ayone know how the constitutions of European countries as well as the U.S. make direct reference to the family unit (as opposed to the individual)?
That said, it’s interesting to note that in the U.S. there is a discussion going on about Christian fundamentalist hopes to refer to marriage and the family in the Constitution:
http://www.nccs.net/newsletter/apr04nl.html
Even so, I do not believe that religious perspectives on life should be enshrined in any constitution and more importantly, I think the main point in Nessuna’s post was that reference to the family supercedes the importance of the individual/citizen from which everything else would follow anyway.
Comment by Onnik — February 20, 2006 @ 12:48 pm
Apres, Nessuna!
), I can relate to what you are saying. I have been together with my (Diaspora-)Armenian boyfriend for little over a year now, and both of us are quite happy with the situation as it is. In other words: there are no plans to get married. But already after a couple of months Armenia friends started asking about our wedding. By now, those who know us well know that there will not be a wedding and they don’t ask anymore, but others keep asking. Ah, and imagine the reaction I get when I say that I don’t want to have children and that my boyfriend is not really eager in that department either!
I am not Armenian, but living in Armenia and being past 30 (albeit just
It kind of irks me that Armenian women are mostly (and sometimes only) valued as wives and mothers and that getting married and starting a family seems to be the main goal for many women (either a goal that they have set themselves or that has been set for them by family or society). It equally irks me that -as you pointed out already in your post- women are supposed to bear so much for the sake of the family. Even if continuing a particular situation does absolutely nothing to contribute to what a family is supposed to be: a unit that provides for its members an environment of safety, warmth and mutual respect, a place where children can be raised and can grow up and learn in a safe, non-threatening, caring environment.
Comment by Myrthe — February 20, 2006 @ 2:45 pm
I believe you Christian, let’s just say I do not believe in marriage institution, but that is a different story. And while I am not the one to succumb to pressure I know somebody who already did. It pains me really to have her confessing how she admires me for my free spirit and how she can never be like me.
But let me make myself clearer. Unfortunately, the problem goes beyond one person’s tragedy. The real problem is we do not see the problem with Article 35 (my apologies, the above mentioned passage is now under Article 35 of amended Constitution (apparently not amended enough!)
Comment by Nessuna — February 20, 2006 @ 2:48 pm
Thanks Myrthe
Comment by Nessuna — February 20, 2006 @ 6:28 pm
Even if there is such a point in the constitution, I think it is coming from the genocide times, to make the girls get married even when they were 8 years old to protect them from Turks raping and therefore to survive. The Armenian family structure prevented and protected us from being converted to Muslims. The family concept became even stronger with time. Communists kept that up and even made it tougher—there were no open gays or lesbians, and if you wanted to be a respected worker you had to have a standard type of family. I think the problem is not the constitution but the so-called “generation gap”–the problem that always existed and will continue to exist. Our previous generation is so used to that way of thinking, and even if the constitution changes we will not be able to change the previous generations’ mentality.
I think what the constitution mentions was part of the policy to protect us from converting us into Turks. Let’s suppose we changed the constitution– I am pretty sure it will not change our parents and solve the family’s pressures and problems. I also wanted to add that I have many friends—both boys and girls—who are being pressed by their families to get married. I even have friends (male) who married in desperation because their family members thought they were gay.
Comment by Ariga — February 20, 2006 @ 10:40 pm
Interestingly, the emphasis on the family in Armenia is also responsible for the clan mentality and abnormally high levels of corruption and nepotism. On the other hand, with the birth rate higher in neighboring countries than in Armenia…
Even so, this should not be in the constitution, in my opinion, as it contradicts the rights of the individual/citizen and appears to place more emphasis on the family instead. Still, it’s there so we’ll have to wait until the next time someone tells us to change it.
Comment by Onnik — February 20, 2006 @ 10:45 pm
Ariga, I agree! And it is not the constitution that bothers me but the mind that drew it. But then again maybe it is just me…
Comment by Nessuna — February 21, 2006 @ 12:00 am
Welcome Nessuna..!!
You’re right when you say that the individual must be in the core of the society, but it’s done gradually: individual-family-society-nation. Thus family is the cell of the society and the individual is the cell of the family.
Here, again, is the wrong perception and mentality.
Women’s actions are limited in our society. No matter how hard we insist that human rights are equal for men and women. Women are restricted in many things not by law but by the tradition.
Although the aim of many girls is really to find a husband and to have children. Why not? They doesn’t have any perspectives in life as studying or working, and at the age of 18 they don’t want to lose the chance of getting married if there’s a proposal. This way they nip the progress of the individual in themselves. But it’s their choice after all,Or that’s because of the impact of parents, who don’t want their daughter to carry the reputation of “tun@ mnatsats” and she gets married out of chance, and as a matter of fact this marriage ends up with divorce. On the other hand it’s just great to have children of 20 years old at the age of 40. But when the woman passes that path through sufferings, difficulties and struggles, she happens to ask herself whether it was worth.
But those who aspire to be established as an individual, who continues their studies and get a good job, who are smart and intelligence never find the person they need, as the demands for life they make are greater on this level. And ultimately getting disappointed in life and people, they remain to be called «tun@ mnatsats». Everyone around discusses her issue, asks why she is not getting married and they all, in their turn, give her advice what to do, which can irritate most of all.
I’m also of the opinion that the greatest mission of every woman is to give birth to children. And yet, let everyone decide when it’s proper for her. It’s better not to get married at all, then to marry just because the others want it, it’s high time, it’s late or it’s must. Especially being inspired with hopes that if not now, she’ll love him later.
After all love is not an intercourse. It’s a combination of both spirit and body, and no steady relations can be built in the absence of any of them.
Comment by Zarchka — February 21, 2006 @ 8:29 pm